Because people tend to walk in and out as they like. And that makes me feel like I am dispensable. It is probably the truth, but I don't need such reality checks so constantly.
I don't know why I still entertain people despite the strange relationships we share. Maybe I should stop? But I just want to remain friendly to most people.
Friendly, meaning that it is friend-like, I never really considered one as my friend that easily.
The year is ending. & I'm about done with melancholy. In the new year, I really just want to be a good person. Every year I say the same things, but I always end up being a bad person, just in a different way.
This year my indecisiveness got the better of me. I didn't even risk the chance of making the wrong decision. And that in itself is doomed to go the wrong way.
I've seen it a few times, but couldn't understand why people insist on continuing their wrong choices despite knowing that they are wrong. But I sort of get it now? That temporary happiness you get is better than nothing. Hurting less or hurting more doesn't really make a big difference actually, it is all eventual.
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